


Gotham: Scared Speechless!

by ClownBoy



Category: Batman (1966), Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Hand-holding (steamy), I don't care?, but like, it's all very arkham knight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-04-21 09:30:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14281989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClownBoy/pseuds/ClownBoy
Summary: A string of too-easy to solve crimes from some of Gotham's finest leaves Batman suspicious.  With Scarecrow's newest batch of fear toxin stronger than every before, Batman finds a lead where he least expects it.





	1. Reward System

When you grow up in Gotham, you get used to the arrests: the sirens, all the flashing lights... It ain't a Friday in Gotham 'til you see the pigs shoving a clown or some puzzler or that one luchador in the back of a van, as they say.

But it was Tuesday, and everyone in Crime Alley was pretending not to peek out their windows as Jim Gordon rubbed his forehead, five police cars surrounding a now-scorched cotton candy machine.

"10:04. Suspect apprehended."

"You discredit me, Jimbo? This whole case REEKS of me! I made SURE of it!" Joker giggled as they lurched him back by the handcuffs.

Gordon flipped through his notes. "Robbery, attempted murder, public disturbance... vandalism-"

"You can add public urination to the list if we're not to the station soon. Whoo!"

The purr of an electric motor caught everyone's attention. The instantly recognizable batmobile came to a halt and out swooped the caped wonder in one fluid motion.

"Jim! I came as soon as I could."

Now Joker was the one pulling the cuffs.

"Thanks for your help, Batman. We couldn't have gotten this whackjob if it wasn't for your tip at the old aquarium."

"I do what I can, Jim."

But a good look wasn't enough for the clown.

"Hey, Jimmy!" With a yank and a hop over his chains, Joker ran over and threw his arms around Batman. "BOGO!" He punctuated it with a pelvic thrust.

"Judas priest! Can we get this clown off Batman, please?" Jim waved to the others. "What, that whole belt and you don't got some bat laser whatever to get you out of this?"

Officers cautiously huddled around. Seeing a masked man in a cape with a clown clinging to him was leaving everyone at a loss for words and actions. Okay, clown nuzzling him.

"... Yes."

Joker smiled.

"Huh?"

He grappled away without an answer. About ten feet up, Joker dropped, landing on his face. "I'M A-OKAY!"

"No one asked." Gordon took a drag. "Montoya, get this clown off the pavement and in a squad car."

"Yes, sir."

But up above, one gliding dark knight's day was just beginning.

"Batmobile, autopilot to the cave. Alfred?"

His earpiece crackled. "Your breakfast is waiting, sir. Though I use the term very liberally considering the hour."

"Thank you, Alfred."

Another crackle. "Batman!"

"Go ahead, Robin."

"Geez Louise! Did you see that raid on crime alley!"

"Just returning from it. Joker was sloppy. He's either eager for my attention or planning something on the inside. I wouldn't put him past both."

"Holy contraband..."

"Any updates on our Scarecrow problem?"

"Afraid not, Batman. This new fear toxin he's mixed up is even stronger than before! The dosage is too small'da trace!"

"I appreciate the update. Keep looking. Alfred?"

"Awaiting your descent, sir."

Back in the cave, all was quiet aside from the tapping of a keyboard and tinkling of china.

"No use in taking it out on your meal, Master Bruce. I'm sure you'll find something."

"Sorry, Al. It's just been..."

"A bit of a nightmare. I'm sure. What with all the-"

"Case after case, piling up." He rubbed his forehead.

"Don't think you told me how you finally caught that Riddler fellow."

"Have a seat, Alfred."

"Will do, sir."

Again, he typed away. "It was actually Dick who pointed out on Sunday something I'd missed." Several accounts came up. "See? On all my files, I only ever collected public records under the name 'Edward Nygma.'"

"Well, I see no alternative."

"But! An alias he's been using for nearly three years slipped under the radar."

"What is it, sir?"

"Edward Nigma."

"You can't be serious."

Bruce nodded. "It seems a misspelling from a single prescription led him to do several dealings and even open two accounts under that name. The change was just enough to be lost alphabetically while not arousing suspiscion. Frankly, it was too close to his original name to be something I was looking for."

"Good heavens. Is it really that easy?"

"Unfortunately. So, Al, from THESE accounts, I was able to trace a purchase of his favorite green upholstery paint back to an online order from last month. Funny, his former I.T. career at Wayne Enterprises made me think he'd take more care to mask his IP address."

"It still doesn't explain the terribly easy riddles."

"Hmmm..."

The speakers crackled. "Batman!"

"Yes, boy genius?"

"Aw, shucks. False alarm. Thought a pile of trash was Scarecrow in the bushes."

Alfred chuckled. "Wouldn't exactly call that a misconception, Master Bruce."

"Keep looking."

"Roger, Houston!"

Alfred sighed. "What with the similar heist just yesterday, I'm a bit surprised you're still working so hard."

"That one was fishy. Oswald Cobblepot's been on thin ice ever since declaring bankruptcy. Reverting to petty theft doesn't fly well with his record."

"Been practicing the puns again, have we?"

Bruce smiled. "I'm glad you noticed." He pulled up a photo. "Have a look, Alfred."

Alfred leaned back and pushed up his bifocals. "Why, the jewels are fake!"

"Yes, they are. Another set-up. The Penguin wanted to be caught. It's all leading me to something, I just don't know what."

"And what of... the latest case, sir?"

"It was easy, alright, but other than that, it doesn't fit the rest."

"How so, sir?"

Bruce typed furiously. "When I first got news of the sightings, I was ready for something big. Bigger than..."

"Illegal fireworks in a cotton candy machine, sir?"

"... Yeeaahh..."

"We should be grateful for the low body count at least."

"I am, Al. I am. But Joker usually makes a point to be more..." Bruce stared from one hand to the other.

"Clever? Malicious? Deadly?"

Bruce snapped his fingers. "Impressive." He leaned forward and opened an unnamed file.

"I see no need to fill your monitor with close-ups of the Joker's TEETH, sir."

"Research, Alfred. During the arrest, he... he wouldn't let go of me. May be a clue."

"Indicative of his psychosis, certainly. Not that we needed reminding. That man's brain and body operate unlike any other on Earth."

"ALFRED, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!" Cowl in place, he rolled out in the batmobile before you could say 'turbines to speed.'

Alfred straightened his tie. "So the ladies tell me."

Meanwhile at Gotham City Police Station, the holding cells were... barely holding up.

"Heeeyyyyy Pussygirl!" Joker waved.

Catwoman pulled down her goggles. "We're not friends."

"And it's a shame, too!" Joker ran across the cell. "Nygma! Glad to join you! Pick a card, any card!"

"I didn't agree to this."

"How'd you smuggle cards in?"

Joker laughed. "The cavity search continues to underestimate me. Is this your card? Yes? Queen?"

Catwoman cupped her hands around her mouth. "Guard!"

"That won't be necessary."

Eddie's eyes darted. "Who said that?"

Batman's drop to the floor was silent. He glared at the holding cell.

Joker smiled. "Looking for trouble?"

"I'm looking at trouble." Batman stepped forward. "You know what I want."

"Then come and get it, Buddy Boy!" Joker threw a punch through the bars.

The bat caught it. "Hold still."

"Look, fellas! We're holding hands!"

"Shut up." With a swipe of disinfectant, he began drawing Joker's blood into a syringe.

"You always suck me dry, Bats, but never like this. Never in PUBLIC! There are CHILDREN WATCHING!" Joker pointed at Riddler.

Batman looked at him. Their hands dropped, and off he grappled.

The sound of a pen furiously writing police reports came through the wall.

Joker stared at the bandaid on his arm. He giggled. He laughed. He erupted in cackles. "WE DID IT, BOYS! I'm about to absolutely RUIN Crane's DAY!"

"What? How?"

"Poor foolish, spiteful Johnny! His little elixir just didn't take, and now Batman's got his new formula! Hoo hoo!"

"Impossible!" Riddler crossed his arms. "The toxin should've degraded by now! That's just not how it works."

"Not a dozen doses."

"A DOZEN DOSES?"

"You should be dead."

"SEVERAL times over. Never denied that, my little purr-fection."

Selina hissed.

Joker jumped. "Well..." He turned and smiled. "Who's ready to plead mental compromise from fear toxin?"

Riddler raised his hand.

Joker gave him a high five. "Get a pen, Eddie. Oh, and how does one spell 'non-consensual bloodletting from illegal masked vigilante'?"


	2. Plant the Seed

It's a strange sight, seeing so many caged birds so poorly lit and inside. Cage after cage of all shapes and sizes rarely matching their occupant. As the small man approached, a soft symphony of chirps and flutters echoed off the worn brick. "Eat, my pretties." Oswald sprinkled seed between the bars. "Yes, I'm home, my feathered friends. No worry. Won't let them chain me without bail. No bill the Penguin can't pay. Yes..." 

"Owning a toucan in Gotham isn't legal." 

"Say? Is that a bat?" He felt a breeze. "In _my_ belfry?" Something grabbed his collar. "HWEH!" 

"I didn't come here to fight. But I will. Where is Scarecrow?" 

"Why should I know, Batman? You really think-" 

Penguin's feet dangled off the ground. 

"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT, YOU MASKED MENACE! But don't say I didn't warn you. I'll tell you! Now PUT ME DOWN!" 

Batman set him down gently. 

He dusted off his lapels. "By the old botanical gardens, you'll notice a crop of pumpkins that forgot to die. He SHOULD be there. Last I knew of the fellow." 

And again he soared on that stupid compact zipline. 

"Well, YOU'RE WELCOME, bat brain!" 

Meanwhile, at the abandoned greenhouse of Gotham Botancial Gardens, it was awfully dark considering the time. No wonder all the plants were dead. Ivy ran her finger along a shriveled stem, eyes darting. 

"I appreciate your help, doctor." 

She jumped. "Of course. I hate to use the term 'fool-proof,' but... Oh, who am I kidding? We outdid ourselves, didn't we?" She gulped. "My babies do such good work. Unlike so many others keeping greenery as slaves, I find the best work is done... voluntarily." 

"Quite true, quite true." There was a clink of test tubes. "You're sure this will be enough?" 

"Promise." 

"Thank you. Thank you so much. My best formula to date. I could kiss you." 

"Well," she smiled, "I don't recommend that for several reasons." 

"Oh. Right." He tightened his mask. _"Thank you."_ His voice echoed through the filters. 

Ivy nodded, staring at the withered vines above them. "I should go." 

Crane waved absentmindedly, still staring at the tube. The door rattled shut. Today was the day. He could feel it. But it didn't feel real, putting the new green potion into his diffuser. Not even ten milliliters, but enough to bring the entire city to a screeching halt for weeks if he was lucky. 

_"Hey, diddle diddle, a cat and a riddle._ _A clown, face as white as the moon._ _The little shuddered in fear_ _when they realized_ _That I would be joining them soon."_

"Good one. You rehearse that?" 

_"Batman!! We've been expecting you._ _Quick to mock, quick to be mocked, after all._ _It was all in my plan, to ensnare you, unhinge you,_ _I knew our little bird would be stoned easily."_

Batman dropped down, landing on one knee. He stood, arms crossed. "I see no immediate threat or way of keeping me here." He held his arms out. "Hit me." 

_"Yess- Wait... Wait, what?"_

"Do your worst, Scarecrow." 

He laughed. _"As you wish..."_

Toxin filled the dome with a hiss. 

_"Weirdo."_

He was in the batmobile before the gas cleared. "Alfred?" 

"With all due respect, sir, is that really your idea of a plan?" 

"A little more respect than I deserve, Al." He put on autopilot. "I have the new formula for fear toxin, but I had no way of testing a new antidote's effectiveness. Problem solved." 

"I see. It appears you have a stowaway, sir." 

Bruce turned to see Dick with his feet on the dashboard crinkling a bag of barbeque potato chips. 

He flashed a peace sign. "'Sup!" 

"Patrol boring you, Robin?" 

His mouth was full, so he shook his head. "I'll have you know I was doing very official upgrades, Batman!" 

"Uh huh." He clapped Dick's shoulder. "Things are about to get interesting, boy genius. I may hallucinate and go into shock. I need you to be my anchor to reality. Can you do that for me?" 

"Gee, what's the worst that could happen?" 

"I don't know." 

Outside suddenly darkened. The batmobile stopped. 

"I told you about last time, didn't I?" 

Robin twisted the crinkly bag. "I remember." 

Batman hopped out. "Let's work on that antidote." 

Taking a seat at the batcomputer, Bruce got to work. Funny, his seat was a little firmer than he remembered. Looking down, he saw a pair of lavender trousers and white gloves on his chest. And that laugh... 

"BRUCE!" 

He shook his head. Just him in his seat now. He checked. "What is it, Robin?" 

"You look like you've seen a ghost! You alright?" 

"Not a ghost, Dick." 

"Well, then what? Whadja see?" 

Bruce shook his head. "A clown." 

Dick rolled his eyes. "Holy coulrophobia!"


	3. Bet on It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fear toxin in Bruce's system leads to more unexpected guests. This time late-night.  
> His search for an antidote continues.

After some gentle chiding from Alfred, Bruce agreed to sleep despite being just on the brink of an antidote... for three hours. Chemistry is delicate, risky business, and Crane's new formula wasn't any different. It was worse, actually. Maybe a fresh start in the morning was best.

He had been dead to the world for who knows how long when he woke to clinking in the second sink of the third kitchen just down the hall. Was it worth investigating?

The hum of the microwave said yes. Better put on a robe.

From the hall, Bruce say the yellow glow of the lamp just above the stove. And popcorn. He could hear popcorn.

On the floor was a pile of paper towel rolls and snacks with a clown in it. "Oh, you're awake! I was just about to ask, why does Harvey have your house key? You two ever-" He raised his eyebrows.

Bruce blinked. "This is a dream."

"Gotta be!" Joker stood. His neon smiley-print pajama bottoms could make eyes bleed even in the dim light. "I mean," he laughed, "if we can't trust Wayne's security system-" He pulled the microwave open. "-what can WE, the people of Gotham City, truly trust?"

"Scarecrow's fear toxin... It's hitting the nuances of my psyche. I can't trust anything I see, no matter how real it seems. You're not real."

"Nope!" Joker shook his head and stooped down, applying lipstick in the oven's reflection. He laughed. "Can't be. It's just too bizarre!" He stood and rubbed his lips together. "Got any tissue, Brucie? To, you know," he pinched his fingers together near his mouth, "blot?"

Bruce stared. "No."

Joker blinked. He shrugged and blotted his lips on Bruce's. "I've got to hand it to you, Wayne, you devil. You've got quite the imagination." He grabbed his floor snacks, tucking them under his arms. "Seeing clowns and all."

"There's got to be a way. A way to test if it's a dream."

"I have one. TELL ME IF YOU'VE HEARD THIS ONE-"

Bruce looked up to see Joker swinging a frying pan.

He sat up. Light poured in through the curtains. Or, wait. The curtains were open. "Alfred!"

"Right here, sir."

Bruce screamed.

"Are you alright, sir?"

"Sorry." He scrambled to put pants on. "I have to finish that antidote. As soon as possible."

"Is there any use in suggesting breakfast?"

Bruce pulled a shirt on and carried his shoes out. "Yes. I'll be in the batcave."

"The manor, this entire lovely space, and he spends all day brooding underground."

"What's that, Al?"

"I'll meet you there, sir!"

On his slide down the batpole, Bruce was happy to find his phone still in his left pocket. He gave Dick a ring.

"Yeah?"

"You're in big trouble, mister."

"What? WHY?"

"For being on your phone at school."

Dick sighed. "Good gravy... What is it, Bruce?"

"I had another hallucination. This only adds to my theory. I'll update you as soon as you get home."

"But I got geometry homework, Bruce..."

"Be ready for a briefing." He landed. "And I know a little about geometry."

"Alrighty. Thanks, Dad."

"Keep up the good work."

"Bye now."

Bruce looked at the time. What was he doing? _What am I doing?_ He looked at the batcomputer. _The antidote!_ Bruce sat in his chair, making sure it was empty, and typed away.

Arkham Asylum, meanwhile, was not-so-happily accepting some old readmissions. Edward Nygma had gotten bored of painstakingly rearranging green markers and staring at his calendar. Picking locks wasn't exactly 'good behavior,' but... Down the block, Joker hummed away, hanging his favorite posters.

"Zac... Zac Efron?"

"He's a humanitarian, Eddie. I must." Joker secured the last corner with his chewing gum.

"Chewing gum? Who gave you-?"

"Shouldn't you be in your cell, Egghead?"

"Egghead?" Riddler looked behind him. "He's here?"

"PUDDIN'!" Harley's shackles jingled as she waved and was quickly pulled away by a nice man in a white coat.

Joker waved back, "DON'T LET 'EM GET TO YA, DEAR! WE'LL CATCH UP LATER! Man, the organization here is a mess. A man could sneak out at midnight VERY easily if he wanted to." He stared at Riddler. "Or three twenty-seven in the afternoon. That one's more for beginners."

"Right, well," he pushed his glasses, "I won't waste my time any further with your... shenanigans."

"Smart of you! Oh, before you go, tell Big Bad Harv he owes me five dollars."

Eddie stopped in his tracks. "Wh- You don't strike me as a betting man. Not for money anyway. Do I even dare I ask what he lost?"

"Well, you just did, sweetheart." He cackled and sighed.

Eddie heard a crunch. He turned to see Joker clutching an all-familiar brown bag.

The clown shook the bag towards him. "Popcorn?"


	4. Closing Act

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The potency of Scarecrow's new formula is revealed! Alfred's not too happy, but guess who is? (It's Joker. It's always Joker.)

The demands came that night, all impossible. Wind chimes made of the mayor's ribs, the casket the commissioner intends to be buried in, the usual. Gordon insisted they send Batman in for negotiation. "It's our only hope. That freak's gonna gas the whole city."

Barriers and cars flashing the red and blue surrounded the antique shop. The Dark Knight stooped with his binoculars as Jim brought him to speed.

"He has hostages. Some sort of remote detonator. I hate to say same old, same old, but in this town?"

"Classic setup. But the toxin's new." Batman stood. "Leave Scarecrow to me."

"Sure thing, Batman."

He grappled past the barrier.

"Already... kinda did." Gordon sipped his coffee.

Scarecrow was impatient. He walked to the wall and back again. Then he heard a thud.

"Waiting for someone, Scarecrow?" The room filled with smoke.

Crane felt a kick at his heel. Several hostages screamed. _"Looks like we'll need,"_ he snagged Batman's cape, _"another chair at the table."_

Yellow clouds formed around the room. More screams. With a struggle, the caped crusader got a breath of the not-so-fresh yellow air coming off the burlap mask as well 

_"Tell me, Batman: what does a bat fear?"_ Scarecrow dropped him to the ground, watching him carefully.

He gasped, reaching for the mask on his utility belt, but it was too late. Batman squinted in the darkness. Something glowed. Was that... purple sequins?

"At first I was afraid...." Joker swooned back, kicking one leg up. "I was petrified!"

With a few blinks, the clown in the far corner of the shop was gone. Batman stood just in time to see Scarecrow running through a back door.

"I kept thINKIN' I COULD NEVER _LIVE_ without _by_ my side!"

The singing, if you'd call it that, seemed to be coming from right behind him.

"But THEN I spent so many nightsss thinking _how_ ya did me hrrr-wrong!"

In addition to the vibrato, Batman heard Crane running ahead. Joker's voice seemed ahead now, too.

"And I grew strong!" The clown was cross-legged on an inventory shelf leaning back on one arm singing into a rubber chicken. "Yes... and I learned HOW TO GET along! But now you're BACK!"

Batman scaled the shelf, seeing Scarecrow right ahead. He squinted and shook his head. He couldn't get distracted. He knew it wasn't real.

"Didja think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd LAY down and DIE?"

Just as Scarecrow was about to make his escape out the window, Batman caught him by the ankles and threw him to the wall. He took Scarecrow by the collar.

"WHERE ARE THE CONTROLS?"

Scarecrow laughed. It was very quiet. _"Reckon it doesn't matter now."_ A small switch hit the floor. _"Time is up."_

Outside the window, the clouds flew up in columns. Screams. Downstairs. Upstairs.

Batman looked back at Crane. "Well, it's good I brought this." Batman cracked a capsule in his teeth. Blue smoke billowed out. 

Outside, blue clouds swept over the streets. Helicopter flew past, noisy as you'd expect

"Airborne. Just like yours."

_"Wh- A cure? That's impossible!"_

"No! I found your new toxin's secret a long time ago. It's not about what the subject fears. It's about what the subject fears losing. Cobblepot's wealth, Riddler's intelligence..."

 _"No. No..."_ He tried to pull his mask off.

"...And your plan. From there, it was easy."

Toxin flooded his mask. _"NO!"_

"It's over."

Scarecrow did make it out the window, but it was a little less graceful doing so dangling like a rag doll in Batman's headlock. The cops were quick to take him away and put the new antidote on record.

The ride home was quiet. It wasn't until back at the batcave Bruce got any word.

He pulled the cowl off. It was hot in there. Bruce hung his gloves.

"Sir?"

"Yes, Alfred?" He slid his boots off.

"I hope you don't mind my listening in."

He slung his around. "Not at all."

"Then do I dare ask-"

Robin landed between them. "Blazed outta your mind on fear gas and Joker's what you're scared of losing, huh?"

Alfred waited.

Bruce hung his cape and cracked his neck. "I... I was actually going to get back to that. I'm going to induce the hallucination again... for research!"

"Right. Sure."

"Right away, sir."

Robin rolled his eyes, but followed Alfred. "What's his deal?"

"Oh, Master Dick-"

It kind of was funny. He'd never given himself time to think about it. Bruce did smile a little looking at that vile of toxin. Took longer to crack it then he thought it would. But he did.

The cave went black. Which would never happen. Between the main power being solar and the backup generator... nevermind.

Bruce heard the scuttle of stage curtains and saw, illuminated by a spotlight and slinking back lazily in the seat of the batcomputer again, him. A clown in purple pants. Chewing his lip and staring at nothing with his head resting on one gloved fist. Bruce took his time. His footsteps echoed.

Joker closed his eyes and frowned, gesturing to his lap.

Bruce sat. "I've been meaning to talk to you."

Joker's head rolled to the left.

"There's a lot to... discuss."

He stared into Bruce's knees.

"Together."

He looked Bruce in the eyes.

"I need you."

Joker smiled, shaking his head.

"It's obvious now. I could say I've always known, but. I haven't."

He put an arm over Bruce's knees.

"Will you forgive me?"

Joker bounced both knees and leaned forward. "Oh, I will. Sure! But will he? How much does he know?" He pulled Bruce closer. "You're wasting time talking to _me_ ," he pointed. "Tell me, who should really be hearing this?

He was too candy-colored, this Joker. Too behaved. Couldn't be real. "You're right."

"Listen, kid, I'm always right. Well, sort of."

"Not really."

"I banter, buster, but I don't bicker." Joker looked at him. With a sigh, he put his hands up. "I won't keep you."

Bruce nodded. He got up.

"And suit up there, Tiger. This is a job for Gotham's finest."

Across town, Jonathan Crane's addition to Arkham Asylum was proving very entertaining. That is, to everyone but Edward Nygma. One nurse almost brought in security when she saw the crowd gathered in the rec room, but no. The cheers and leers and tension were centered on what anyone else would call a normal chess game.

Jervis joined the crowd, looking to Harley for answers. "Eddie's 'bout to get got, is he?"

"HA! That'd be the last time I bet on Eddie at CHECKERS!"

"The game of queens." Two-Face said. "He oughtta win."

Riddler wagged a hand. "I'm trying to focus. Please."

Crane sat still, fingers interlaced. "Is that what you're so afraid of? Losing at a game of wits?"

"Hey! When I say 'quiet,' that includes you!"

A guard's entrance did just that. She scanned the room and scoffed as she read the clipboard. "Visitor for Napier."

Joker sprung up. "Well, this is unexpected!"

"That can't be right."

"Since when do ye let the clout of a clown have visits, eh? Too dangerous-"

"And they cut my visits!"

Ivy handed Harvey five dollars as Joker left, blowing a kiss. The whole walk he smiled. He knew who it was. Who was it always?

The door buzzed open. It took all that was in him not to laugh at a man in pointy ears and tights sitting stiff as a board in fluorescent lighting.

Joker jumped into his chair loud enough to make the bat jump. "Well, well, well. Looks like the cat dragged in to turn the tables finally decided to show up."

No response.

"Just couldn't stay away. Not a flaw, per se. Could get you somewhere."

"I've been meaning to talk to you."

"Oh?"

"To apologize."

He shook his head. "Come now, Sugar! What could Gordon's little Mister Perfect possibly have to-"

"For not telling you sooner."

Joker's breath caught in his teeth.

"We don't always agree. You've made choices I wouldn't dream of. Things most would find unforgivable. Some say you're the source of all suffering in Gotham."

"Please. You're making me blush."

"Those people aren't me." He stared at the table. "Some say I need you."

Joker's brow twitched.

He looked up. "I couldn't agree more."

A ghastly squeal filled the room. Joker sank in his chair rubbing his eyes. "Oh, dear, I think Crane's toxin is finally kicking in, but it is NOT having the intended effects. Pinch me. Christ! I'm dreaming!" He felt a foot touch his under the table.

"You wouldn't be... planning a breakout this Friday, would you?"

"Mmm..." He tapped his chin. "Saturday works much better for me! I've got quite the schedule."

"I'm sure I'll be there before law enforcement." He walked to the door.

"Then it's a date!"

"It's a date."

"Ooooh! And you better not rat me out, Batboy, or you're a dead man, and I MEAN IT this time!"

Batman smiled. "I'll survive." The door closed.

Joker's hands flew over his mouth. "He... he smiled at me. HE SMILED AT ME! HARLEY! HARLEY GIRL! YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BEELIEEVE THIS! HAHA!"


End file.
